Hey, Honey. II

Hey, Honey.
Yeah. I'm writing to you again. Guess there's still just so much on my mind, huh? There usually is, you know that. If I don't have something to think about, I think too hard and find something petty to freak out about. A huge flaw, I know. Hopefully we can work on that though, right? Oh, wait… no. Nevermind.
I'm in Forensics class again. We're watching a video on the FBI crime labs. It's pretty interesting. You know me. I'm a pretty morbid girl. So, why wouldn't I love documentaries about dead bodies, right? Haha.
Two people did some pretty stupid things lately. And these things hurt me, naturally. I think I threw up more than when I saw the photo of you and Chelsi. Both of these people have lost A LOT of my trust. Currently, I'm in the "I hate you" stage. You know me, though. I can't hold a grudge for too long. So, I'll probably end up being stupid and forgiving them too easily. After I beat one of them ¾ to death. I joined a facbook group. "I hate you. But I'll forgive you because I still want you in my life." Or something like that.
I don't think I had mentioned in my last note, but I watched Repo! The Genetic Opera. It's amazing. Apparently, Maggie, Kirsten, Matt, some other people, and I are going to reproduce it somehow. Maggie is going to be Nathan/Repoman, Matt will probably be Rotti, because Maggie and I agreed that Matt just wasn't oddly sexy enough to be Graverobber. >w< Matt claims I should be Shilo and Kirsten would be Blind Mag.
Oh, yes. Matt is talking to me again. Guess it was just you that he didn't like… But I do think that he did respect our relationship. He told me "You did deserve better than the shit he pulled, but… he did make you happy. I could see that." It's true. You did.
So, I guess I have a question for you. Remember how in December, you said that you heard a rumor that I was pregnant? Once I denied it, you stopped talking to me for a while. Well, what would you have done if I was? Would you have come back to me? Would you have wanted me to have the baby? Put it up for adoption? Or would you want me to abort it? I'm not pregnant though, so don't worry. But I'm still curious. The Cheshire Cat is always curious.
Yesterday, I found a lump on the side of my breast. This concerns me. I know that breast cancer has run in the family… we're going to get it checked, as soon as we can afford a hospital visit.
I'll finish this another class.

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But anyways. Yes, that worries me quite a bit. Hopefully I'll be fine though.
I ran into quite a few trip ups and old memories yesterday. A few of them were pleasant, but others killed to remember. Like… hm… I remember thinking about you when I was doing dishes. Just because you would always help me, or refuse to help me and just watch. Haha. I remember that a lot of our sexy little intimate moments and turn ons have occurred in the kitchen. When you'd hit me on the rear with a pan, or push up behind me while I was putting silverware away… ahh… Life was nice back then. Life was so nice. It was always so nice with you. Even without the sexual moments. The times when you would just wrap your arms around my waist and pull me against you, and rest your head against mine… and look into the dark kitchen window to see our reflection… that… always made me smile… I could tell that you loved me. That feeling was just… amazing…
Its going to be tough for anyone to ever compete with you. With how much you loved me, and how much I loved you. No matter how many years pass. No matter how much in love I am, if I'm married or if I have children… you will always be my first love, my first kiss, my first time… That is something so special and nothing will ever be able to replace or change that. Those feelings could never ever disappear.
Yesterday, I also found some writings that I did before. Things about the man and his wife. The stories that we would write for each other. They made me tear up a bit. But I'm thinking about editing the grammar and structures and submitting them onto deviantART or something. They're good little stories. Like the one about Father's Day, and the story in the rain… Maybe I'll refrain from putting up the sexual ones, but… >>;;
Hm. Well. I suppose I should stop writing.
Maybe I'll write to you again.
I still love you.
And always will.
Your Angel,
Mary
XVI